


What Happens When the Music Stops

by ItWasAlwaysYou



Category: bare: A Pop Opera - Hartmere/Intrabartolo
Genre: Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Referenced Verbal Abuse, Self Harm, self hate, slight - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:54:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21555058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItWasAlwaysYou/pseuds/ItWasAlwaysYou
Summary: All the problems in Peter’s life are his own fault, there’s no one to blame but himself... and no one to ask for help
Relationships: Jason McConnell/Peter Simmonds
Comments: 2
Kudos: 16





	What Happens When the Music Stops

Peter sat on the twin XL dorm bed in the room that he shared with Jason. His thoughts were going a mile a minute and above everything he wanted to cut himself, that or go back to freshman year where his acne was cute and he could get drunk off of one beer. But now it was senior year and despite his best attempts nothing would quiet the buzz of thoughts in his head anymore, the pot brownies he had at Ivy’s birthday were the closest he’d gotten in a while and after that he had smoked so damn much that not even that could dull the ache in his bones. Peter had started cutting in the seventh grade, it was funny he realized he was gay the same year he began to destroy himself and he was only able to keep one of those things a secret from his mother. He didn’t necessarily like cutting, it made him feel like shit afterwards but in the moment it pulled the emergency break on the ever running train of thought in his mind. He’d tried to stop several times the longest he’d gone was almost six months it had been at the best part of his and Jason’s relationship. Peter had stopped with the hopes that the scars would go away for when Jason wanted to do something if Jason ever wanted to do something. He had been doing so good until the night that Jason had screamed at him, voice raw all of the things he had already thought of himself and sure he had said some nasty things too but that only fed the fire. As Jason’s empty words bounced around in Peter’s mind he couldn’t tell himself that nobody really thought that because clearly Jason did and sometimes Jason was the only one who mattered. So once again Peter picked up the razor that he had swiped from his father’s toolbox on one of the few weekends that he’d had to spend with him. He raised the blade to his wrist and almost wished that it meant more to him. It wasn’t like in the movies, all slow motion and music stops moment, he cut himself plain and simple. He stopped after the one cut though and thought. One cut wasn’t a real relapse. So he sat and pressed the razor over the one red line over and over. deeper and deeper. When he felt he had done enough he wrapped his arm in gauze. He wrapped up his one cut.  
One cut.  
One forever.  
One moment.  
One today.  
One boy lost in the teachings, all alone and scared.

**Author's Note:**

> just realized how perfect it would be if I had said "lost in the teachings all alone and /scarred/" but this has been up for like a while and people would probably just think it was a typo lol


End file.
